Schools can be an amazing form of support for your child - find ways to fully tap into this

Why?

School can be a sanctuary for some children as it is a time when they can be free from thinking about you, cancer and family worries. For some children, being at school is difficult as they are away from you and separation anxiety can be overwhelming. Work together as a family with members of the school so strategies can be put in place to support your child.

How?

Watch the workshop, or read through the tools below, and come up with the best plan that will help your child at school. Remember to include your child when formulating the plan.

The school environment should be nurturing but sometimes staff are over stretched, or fear they will make things worst by engaging with your child about what is happening at home. As a parent, you can be pro-active and give staff clear guidelines on what you and your child want.

watch this workshop

In this workshop Caroline Leek, founder fo Fruit Fly Collective, gives some easy tips to help parents engage with schools so their kids are supported. .

Or read this guide:

We love these tools

  1. ideas to discuss with the school

Arrange a meeting with the school (or write an email) and take with you notes about things you want to discuss. Have a read of this resource to see if any of these points are relevant in getting the best support for your kid.

2. helping reluctant kids to school

There maybe many reasons why your child doesn’t want to go, so at a calm time (whilst eating an ice cream for example) ask them why, and together look at these 10 tips to see if any will work.

3. school Support system

This can be great to print out/write out and show the school. It gives clear systems that can be put in place. Obviously, adapt it depending on your child’s age and what is already occurs at school.

4. Expressing feelings at school

Primary school kids might like this non-verbal way of telling their teacher how they are feeling each day. They can circle, or add a sticker, to which emotion they might be experiencing.

  • They might actually enjoy this. Some kid’s lives are packed with after school activities everyday so they may be thankful for time to sit around watching the TV.

    Ask them, or do the ‘what is important in my life’ family activity to get an understanding of what they might be missing or might not.

    Together come up with plans to help them attend or do the things they want to do, like asking their auntie, uncle, or other family members/friends, to take them to the park, football practice, ballet class, Cubs etc.

    Explain that life won’t always be like this. Write down fun things for the future (picnic in the park etc) and pin it up. They can then see that things will be different.

  • There are lots of things a school can put in place that will support your child. Some kids view school as a sanctuary where they don’t have to think about their parent being sick, others will find talking about what is happening at home very helpful.

    Schools have to deal with many issues happening in children’s lives on top of providing education, so your voice might get lost. Best to find a teacher both you and your child click with and talk face to face.

    Take the list we have compiled so you can discuss different things they can put in place.

  • 1. Get someone else to take your kids to school

    2. Ask the school if you can drop your child off 5 mins before the gate opens (tell your kids why this is happening – because you are tired of explaining etc)

    3. Ask if you can drop your child off at a different entrance (again explain to your kid so they don’t feel it is a weird punishment for them)

    4. If you have another parent you like, let them be the conduit for all gossip. Ask them to tell the other parents that you are not yet ready to talk/don’t fancy talking but thank you for the concern!

  • Talk to your child to try and understand why they don’t want to go. If they are worried about leaving you, give them something small to keep in their pocket (button, stone) and you keep one too. They feel a sense of connection whilst you are apart.

    For older kids, give them permission (and remember to tell the school) to text you during school break times. Tell them what you are going to be doing during the day (if having treatment, you could send photos of where you are, your CNS etc).

    If they don’t want to go because they feel school is pointless now their parent is sick, talk about the future and how things won’t always be like this. Talk with school staff, explain what is happening and try to get them to introduce a new important task for your child to do – something that your child would value and respect.

    It also might be something really simple such as they don’t like the friend’s parent who drops them to school (!), in which case you might be able to switch childcare.

  • Talk to the school staff, someone who you feel comfortable with, and explain that perhaps your child is not physically unwell and therefore doesn’t need to be picked up.

    Explain that they might be feeling sad, anxious, or lonely so ask if the school can put some things in place. For example:

    1) Lunchtime activities like helping with the library

    2) Allowing Lego/iPad time during class time if they start to feel overwhelmed (they could just show a card to the teacher)

    3) Having a worry box in class where they park their worries

    4) Having a dedicated adult they trust to talk to each day

    5) Creating a special club with their friends for lunch and play time, such as drawing, gaming, skipping.

3am worries about school

Other resources

Letter template to communicate your cancer diagnosis with your child’s school

Cancer in the School Community: Guide by Cancer Council Australia

The Book You Wish Your Parents Had Read (And The One Your Children Are Glad You Did) by Philippa Perry

The Parenting Toolkit by Caroline Penney

The Whole Brain Child by Dr Daniel J Siegel