Be patient as this behaviour is likely to reverse. Wetting the bed is an unconscious response, they are not doing it on purpose. Perhaps think about strategies used to help anxiety.

• Use their teddy and stick a special ribbon or a photo of you on it to give them comfort going to sleep

• Give them a torch to use in case they need the toilet in the night

• Get them to use a worry box before bedtime (leave the worry box outside of their bedroom) so they can park their worries before sleep

This is also a sign of separation anxiety, as going to bed means they are literally separated from you. Try the things from the above and these:

• Free online mindfulness sessions to create a calm environment

• Read reassuring bedtime stories, like The Invisible String

• Stroke them if they are upset and resisting bedtime – sing softly

• Stay until they fall asleep – start withdrawing in stages. One week lay next to the child, second week sit quietly nearby, third week near to the door until just your shoes are slightly visible. Be mindful that it may take more than a week for each stage of withdrawing, or you may have a bad week and need to go back a week

• Use a time-limited two-way baby monitor, e.g., tell them that for five minutes after you have left, they are allowed to call out

• Provide music, or a torch if they are frightened

• If your child leaves the room, return them, and stay with them until they are settled

• Find out about their worries around bedtime during the day

Usually, children ask questions over and over again because they either don’t understand the answer or that they need reassurance. Things that can help are:

• If your child is asking the same questions about a specific topic , check their understanding of what they have been told. They may need more information given in a different format. Try finding books, animations, websites, films etc that can help

• Provide strong routines and structures to help them. Use calendars, organisers or wall charts to put on display what the day, week or month looks like. Add all the details such as who will pick them up from school etc

• Try to be patient, and perhaps select a time of day for questions. Give them a pad to write/draw them down during the other times of the day

This is a sign of classic separation anxiety. They may want to stay with you, often to be sure that you are ok. To help them:

• Try giving them a special pocket friend (a stone, button, fabric) that they can keep close to them. When they feel it, it provides a connect with you

• Set up a special emoji code between you two, something silly that requires little effort just so they feel connected to you

• Read The Invisible String by Patrice Karsi

• Ask the teacher to give them a ‘special important’ job to do before school (e.g. sharpening pencils) so they are focused on that rather than leaving you

It is very common for children to be irrationally scared of something, something they were not scared of before you got sick. The reason might be that they are fearful of what is happening to you and their lives but can’t articulate this, or are not conscious of it, so being afraid of dogs, for example, is easier.

This can be frustrating. But be patient, accept that it is a real fear for them so try not to make sweeping remarks, like ‘Don’t be silly’. You can temporarily avoid dogs, for example walk on the other side of the road. You can arrange to meet a gentle old calm dog to reintroduce your child. Also reach out to Pets as Therapy.

Most kids around the age of 5 naturally become curious about death regardless of their parent’s health. It is around this age that they question the cartoon classic of pinging up after being run over by a truck.

They might ask lots of questions, or play ‘dead mummies or dead daddies’. It’s best not to shut down this type of play as it makes them think that death is something we can’t talk about.

There are some amazing books that help with understanding what happens when somebody dies, like The Paper Dolls by Julia Donaldson, Mum’s Jumper by Jayde Perkin, and Badger’s Parting Gifts by Susan Varley). Also, the brilliant films Coco, Soul and The Book of Life.

Your child might be wanting you to give them more attention, they may be feeling left out or ignored, or experience separational anxiety. It is difficult to show empathy when you know nothing is wrong with them, but they do have needs that are being unmet. Try these things:

• Let them know you know they are faking it, but then also give them a little nurture

• Talk to the school to put in a strategy. They cannot keep sending your child home when nothing is wrong

• Use magic creams (moisturiser). Allow them to take a tube of it to school

• A little nurture goes a long way. Ask them, "What do you need? Could I kiss it better?’

• Try saying ‘I wonder if your tummy is hurting because you needed me to stay with you’

This can be a sign that they feel a bit worried and might need some extra nurture. Relax and go with it even if it can be irritating. Try saying ‘Oh I have a little baby today! Let’s wrap them up”. Perhaps let them know that you find it hard to understand what they are saying, and that their big voice is better.

It’s great if your kids want to be super helpful and do everything without a moan but be mindful that they might be masking their emotions. If they are feeling anxious or sad, they might feel worried that someone might ask them how they are feeling, and make them share their thoughts. They might be afraid of adding to your worries by expressing their own.

Let them know it’s ok to have all kinds of feelings (nice ones, as well as difficult ones) when a family faces hard times. Check in with them (in the car, on a walk) to see how they are really feeling, and that it is good for them to have time for themselves.

Be patient, let them know you are always there for their questions, worries or hugs, but try not to badger them - give it time, allow them to process what is happening.

Try to encourage them out of their room by giving them simple tasks to help around the house (perhaps give them a reward and explain why they are being so helpful). Think of things they liked to do and try to help them arrange those things. Suggest doing a sponsored run, cake sale, jumble sale etc for a cancer charity.

This can be a great coping mechanism. It allows the child to switch off and be absorbed in the moment. It might also be a place of support. Many games are played within an online community where players can chat whilst gaming. Your child might feel it easier to talk to people who don’t know about your cancer diagnosis.

Perhaps try:

• Introduce them to your healthcare team, ask them to visit the clinic with you (gives you stuff to talk about which might allow them to feel like they can open up)

• Explain whilst driving/doing the washing up/walking together, that they can find someone else to talk to and perhaps give some suggestions of trusted people (friends, parents of friends, family, teachers etc)

• Maybe think of creative ways to help them feel comfortable in showing their emotions (try the ‘share a feeling’ or ‘what is important in my life’ family activities)

• Suggest a pizza night on Thursday at a local café just the two of you (or something similar) – don’t talk about big stuff but let them know that Thursday nights is a space and time just for you two and that if they want to talk you are there

Or you could game with them - they could show you what to do!